It’s seems lately that everywhere I turn, someone or something is telling me why it’s the perfect time to join a gym. DON’T! So, before you fall for this scam and bench press your savings account dry, read this list of reasons why you shouldn't join a gym this year:
In general, a gym contract is like a regular contract…on steroids. And, if you look at them closely, you’ll see another 3-letter word besides “gym” that pops up quite often; “FEE.” Turns out your monthly charge covers everything except… anything. Bring a guest? Fee! Go to the same gym closer to your work? Fee! Use that fancy new equipment upstairs? Fee! Got to use the bathroom? It’ll probably cost you!
The Food is Terrible
I know that a gym snack bar isn’t going to serve onion rings floating in gravy (e-mail for recipe), however, is it possible to have a few normal items that don’t have to be blended or served in bar form? The secret to the gym food is that it is so gross you won’t eat it, and boom, you’re skinny. How about instead of a Soy Milk Tofu bar and a tall spinach shake, you offer up a nice healthy rotisserie chicken and a beer…ok, light beer.
Every gym claims to be “revolutionary” and they try to live up to this claim by inventing some of the most ridiculous workout classes I’ve ever seen. What started with Jazzercise classes in the 80’s morphed into Boot Camps, Crossfit and spinning. I know it’s probably good for me if I hang upside down from a basketball hoop while curling a potted fern plant and breathing deeply, but that doesn’t mean they need to offer that as a class.
Fill a storage locker with a few hundred people sweating, breathing heavy and drinking vegetable shakes, and what do you expect? Even “high end” gyms smell bad, so you can forget about the bargain gyms. As a general rule of thumb, the less the gym costs, the more it will smell. That’s why free gyms are pretty much homeless storage with a few rusty weights holding the floor together. The real problem here is the group-stink. If hell has air fresheners, they probably come in “Gym Scent”.
If you really want to get in better shape in 2014, take the stairs once in a while and limit your funnel cake intake to every other week, but don’t get suckered into joining a gym. As always, thanks for reading and I hope my sarcastic social commentary on life will at the very least give you a laugh.